We'd all like to see the beautiful Claire Bear in her own 'private' tape, so here's an open letter asking her to be considerate, think of the fans for once, and get it on!

If she was the sort of star who loved her fans the way say, R Kelly does, then she'd be taking requests from her adoring, and perverted, public as to what they want her to do, and with who or what. It could be a canny career move for her and also a wonderful realisation for many, many people in the world of the web.

Maybe as well as this open letter, a petition could be started and if that fails people could start boycotting major sporting events, then protest on the streets of the world's major capitals. And if none of that works then we could all hold our breath until she relents.

For all you speed freaks out there, here's the fastest car on Planet Earth, the Porsche 9FF GT9, test driven to the maxage! But what about the Shelby Ultimate Aero I hear you cry, or the Giblet Platinum Malteser? Well, I'll let you fight it out, but this is still a great car.

986 horse power, no traction control, no DSG gear box, one wing mirror, no airbags and it can beat Marty's DeLorean back to 1955. Chris Harris chats with its proud parent Jan 'The Man' Fatthauer about this awesome piece of machinery, it's f#cking scalectric!

If Beelzebub was visiting relatives in Swindon tomorrow, he'd be rocking out of hell in one of these bad boys. Jeremy Clarkson stains his sheets each night dreaming about shutting his weiner in the car's bonnet, that's how cool this car is.

Plus they raced this at Monte Carlo against Superman and the Flash, they cried heroic tears because it whipped their puny asses, they had a dust sandwich with a side of rubber for dinner that night!